I'm beginning to realize that my personal definition of love is a relationship in which the participants can disagree, even to the point of anger, and still know they are loved and continue to act in love. Not "act" as in imitate in pretense, but "act in love" as in to not modify one's behavior in an attempt to punish, defy, and/or disrespect.
The hardest part of having such a toxic relationship is to stay above it and not retaliate in kind. Then the story always becomes "you're no better because you did this." What a twisted, black circle that creates. How easily a provoked reaction in hopes of retaining some level of self-respect becomes her justification for the initial offendng act.
Borderline Personality Disorder? Oh yeah.